Are you Alternate Timeline Bill Simmons?

because he throws his left hook 92 miles per hour.

YEAH BUT HOW ABOUT MILLER CHAPMAN BETANCES AND THROW IN BRIAN MCCANN FOR KYLE SCHWARBER I’LL JUST HANG UP AND LISTEN

Why would the Cubs even want Chapman? There's no designated hitter in the NL...

That’s very true, they encourage it. Lord knows they wish Dante Stallworth had been better with linear approximations.

People will only believe it when they get the thing installed off the disc and playing it and even then many will think it’s not the full game.

Look at his face, man. DG wanted NOTHING-AT-ALL to do with Lebron. The only thing epic about that would have been the quickness with which DG became unconscious after which he would have been besieged with sponsorship offers from Depends.

Hubie is the best that’s ever been.

I assume you are referring to

‘3 Days of the Condor’ is a movie about conspiracies. ‘Conspiracy Theory’ is a movie about Mel Gibson and Julia Roberts being Mel Gibson and Julia Roberts.

Homer? Arigato! Mr. J Votto.

“I used to be a baserunner, but then I took a baseball bat to the back of the knee.”

Best I could do on short notice....

It depends. Did they play their part while you played your game?

But who’s to blame?

No one can save them, the damage is done.

But will it save a person who is shot thru the heart by someone who gives love a bad name?

Indoctrinating our young offspring is one of the few pure pleasures parents have. I’m teaching mine that anyone in a Make America Great Again hat is a monster.

That’s cool that you draw attention to yourself like that.

Hey, you’ve got to be a tough bastard to manage Eagles scouts, not some kind of Eagle Scout.