Whatever man. Having a bunch or really insanely nice and cool cars doesn’t mean you have a small dick. I’m sick of this shit. I drive a really awful car and my dick is small and bad.

Totally expected this response (and it’s totally fair - I have no clue what I am doing in this arena and was, in fact, incredibly proud of even this abomination).

What if you discover that the goat is your true love?

Can I fuck the goat non-stop 24/7 for a week or two and then be good for a few years?

It can't be that baaaaaaad.

I tried to write something witty, but someone wrote something witty faster than me that was really similar to my comment. Now, all I have is this crappy edit which is probably still an improvement over what I usually write.

See? This is what happens when you divert money from athletics to unnecessary programs like music and art!

[Drake immediately buys Jordan Kilganon hat, jersey, pants, shoes]

No matter how much lifting & plyometrics I did, I could never increase my vertical enough to dunk.

INVIZIBUL SNIPER

Rugby does this, the “penalty try,” and it really helps clean up play near the try line.

This all looks bad, but at least he hasn’t dabbed on the football field. That would be classless.

What the fuck? When did Deadspin turn into a shitty fucking hot take factory? How the hell are you comparing Newton’s press conference to that Manning press conference? Manning literally blamed his teammates for the loss. THAT is what made that so shitty. Neeton didn’t do anything like that. He gave curt answers. He…

You, uh, didn’t watch the second one huh?

the denver aiport is something other than an airport, I thought all the stuff about it was made up until I saw this in person

I can’t wait to read the op-ed about how this happened because Cam Newton is a disrespectful football player.

Uh... the Patriots won the Super Bowl last year after signing Revis. The Broncos are in the AFC championship after signing Ware, Talib, and Ward two offseasons ago.

#WhiteLivesCantJump

To be fair, Eddie Lacy is a size 0 in Wisconsin.

What an idiot. He’s allowed to use his hands.