(Spoilers)

What the hell's so wrong about aftershave and ham? My wife loves ham. She's also rather fond of my aftershave. If I came home smelling like both at once ... well, it appears my plans for Tuesday evening are unfolding before my eyes.

Why do they put cartoon characters on diapers made for nine-pound babies? The kid doesn't know who or what Elmo is. As a parent, I don't care about a muppet on the poop-catcher, but apparently I do have to pay the penny per diaper to cover the licensing costs. And the Henson estate and/or the Children's Television…

"Perhaps this is ignorant, but isn't there a way for hospitals to know how big a baby's gonna be?"

I've heard one strategy is to use a way larger condom than you actually need. That way the latex itself is providing that sliding-around sensation. Of course, this also makes it more likely that the condom will slide OFF, which could be a disaster. And tying it off with a rubber band at the base is ... well, I don't…

I would have loved to see this book made into a 12-part, Ken Burns-style documentary. Use photos, amateur video footage, news broadcasts, interviews with survivors, emails and other correspondence, and sew it all together like the Civil War series.

Would the US really extradite her? If the nature of the trial itself differs substantially from the US system of justice (double jeopardy), then that would be a pretty good reason to deny extradition, right?

The slime is some kind of byproduct made during the manufacture of jet fuel. It contains dozens of carcinogens, at least one known mutagen, and is slightly radioactive. Lobbyists representing the jet fuel industry have been trying for decades to get some state to offer up space for disposing of the stuff underground…

Blow me bagpipes! Now Gizmo Duck can FINALLY blast that wall!

I like your name.

What I gather from this is that in order to not be charged hundreds of dollars a year more on health insurance (not a discount, just avoiding a penalty), the employee has to go get weighed in by a doctor, who will give them a nice "don't be so fat, fatty" lecture. Because of course the only reason fat people are fat…

Sometimes I wish I could do this. Usually after Thanksgiving.

What about Doug Henning's hair?

And in reality, Bran manages a small bed and breakfast in Vermont.

Wherever spoilers go ... *THWUMP*

I think it's the "working as intended" part that's got everyone a little jangled. When you pay for something, even if you don't technically own it and are actually just buying limited rights to use it, you DO have a right to expect it to work properly. If it doesn't, you should be able to get a refund. If the seller…

Has any man reading this ever kept a full beard for the better part of a decade, then shaved it off? If so, did it leave a visible pattern on your face? Like, was the beard protecting the skin underneath from sun damage and stuff, so when you shaved it off it was like the under-beard skin looked a lot younger than the…

I appreciate that the video starts by looking straight down the bell of an old phonograph. And that she appears to be singing the song from inside a glass vagina. Good stuff. But I prefer something a bit more forward.

The more I read about SimCity, the more I think maybe it should have instead been named "SimMediumSizedTownThatsProbablyANiceEnoughPlaceToGrowUpButIsntEspeciallyInteresting."

Sorry, E.L., but Mad Libs already taught me the art of writing about hoo-has and pee-pees 25 years ago.