That Radcliffe has some strange body chemistry. Dusty Springfield requests usually come after a long bender of Ham's beer and Jimmy Beam. Jager shots typically result in requests for either Andrew WK or white noise turned up to ear-splitting levels.

Yeah, that kind of looks like the phone version of one of those "before and after" anti-meth ads.

Does that include the kid's dad?

Very true. Save the money for pricey scotch - that's where you get what you pay for, IMO.

Why not make it rhyme? Lamborghini / bigger peenie.

Find a sext sent by someone who kind of looks like you. Send that.

My god, you're right! I'm locking her in the closet until age 12. No contact with anyone.

Then she probably won't shiv them. Probably.

I wanna talk to Chamfer!

That's it. I'm not going to leave my kid alone with another human being that isn't called Mom, Gramma or Grampa until she learns how to make a shiv out of a spoon.

On second inspection: Holy crap, you're right! I didn't see it until you pointed it out. It's just like the Shroud of Turin, yet very different in a few key ways. EDIT: Repost, internet hiccup, yada.

Holy crap, you're right. It's just like the Shroud of Turin, yet very different in a few key ways.

That would be a different shirt, then, and it would be inarguably sexist. This shirt here, though, is gender-neutral (although probably being modelled by a man — or is it a woman with very big hands?)

That would be a different shirt, then, and it would be inarguably sexist. This shirt here, though, is gender-neutral (although probably being modelled by a man — or is it a woman with very big hands?)

Well, to be fair, the "before we fuck" one could apply to either sex.

Is there one where the elevator rider just flat-out decks the guy in the coffin? Not saying it would be the most rational response, but you can only scare so many people like this before one of them reacts violently out of pure instinct.

Perhaps you should take off the ski mask before talking to women.

Oh, that? Yeah, he's already fired. He pulled off an over-the-shoulder, T2-style blast that took out that U.S. flag behind him. It's a trick most people can only do once or twice before losing all hearing in the right ear, but they say it's worth it for style points alone.

You, my friend, have taken armchair quarterbacking to a ghastly new level.

Nope. Unless you're a doctor on call, the only acceptable reason to reach for a phone during sex is if it's ringing and you intend to shut it off (preferably without checking who it is). Face it, you'll probably be done soon enough anyway.