"I pay for albums and movies and ebooks for the exact same reasons I toss a buck in a street performer's open violin case."

It's true. The delegates could have a massive, spontaneous Reagasm and end up giving the hologram the nomination.

A full-length movie? So that will clock in at about, what, one and a half standard MGS cut-scenes?

As a mustachioed American, I take offense at their offense.

The incomparable Nokia 5190. There's something about your first ...

The show the guy is watching appears to depict one person shooting another. The scene is interrupted by a hamburger and a "McDonald's!" cheer. Then the murder resumes.

To his credit, I HAVE always wondered how Darth Vader poops.

Hrm, yes, that could be a banana. Enhance the image!

And yet the water-drinkers do not bear the dickhead brand, whereas Mr. Coffee-and-Pastry does.

Hold on just one goddam minute.

I refuse to enter any dorm room that does not have a sex swing.

I assume the Windex and sunblock are kept in enormous underground vats.

I looked at this cartoon and assumed it was a way of saying "No worries, your whole life is ahead of you. Or most of it is, anyway." So it made me smile.

So ... what happens when all the glowworms are done having sex?

Also, apparently, keep up with those dental appointments. Those two in the photo have the teeth of 30-year-olds.

Perhaps a two-party system would be a little more reliable. "Kill me if you want, but if I don't call my mom at 8:00 pm SHARP every Sunday, she'll set off the nuclear device."

Uh ... where's the nice lady with the big mouth and the raccoon makeup? How is anyone supposed to know this is a porn-related post?

If Apple gave humanity the Apple TV we as a species deserve … well, be careful what you wish for.

From a distance, they look like the covers of those "... For Idiots" books. "Emphysema For Idiots," so forth.

It's all well and good until that dark and stormy night when the semi truck behind the teen's car keeps flashing his high beams every few minutes but he won't pass and what the hell is he trying to do and WHO THE FUCK IS THAT IN MY BACK SEAT ITS THE ESCAPED SERIAL KILLER OH MY GOD I WISH I COULD CALL THE COPS BUT I…