Where are my elbows and feet supposed to go? I got no use for this.

If forced to choose between the way Qantas handles unaccompanied minors and the way United handles them, I guess I'd go with Qantas. But comp the guy a drink for his trouble, k?

It's the only reasonable solution. Think of the children.

Ask a pirate to explain why they do it and you'll get one or more of the following answers:

"What did we basically have to do? We pirated." Unless you forgot to tell me about the man in your home pointing a gun at your family and telling you "or else," then no, you didn't HAVE to pirate. You could have opted to not watch the movie at all. That would have saved you two hours of your life. And those two hours…

Those Taiwanese animators are just getting tons of work lately, huh?

The thing that makes this a dystopia is the CRT television. Everything else is hunky dory.

That Blue codename better change before it ships. "Hey, how'd you like Windows Blue?" "Windows blew."

Not if I'm exercising, which is when my MP3 player gets most of its use. Running, jumping, flitting about — not a great situation for a fundamentally clumsy man to be using a pricy and fragile glass-screened object. My trusty iPod Shuffle has lasted through years of drops, scrapes and overall mistreatment that would…

Ah, good. They put a bird on it. Well done.

How the hell is this supposed to work? When I press my nipple up to the webcam, it just blacks out the entire image!

Mind the sand worms.

Girl Talk. I'm not so into his earlier stuff either.

Ha! I live in an all-hardwood-floor house! I caught you, you fraud!

A highly shitty thing to do, if true. But at least she got a severance package with medical benefits. That's more than a lot of people can say when they get fired after their cancer treatment begins taking up too much of their time.

That bite was just 12 hours away from giving you superpowers. Then you went and flushed the Catwoman out of you with antibiotics and surgery.

Nietro. Claim it was that way all along. Everyone just misread the typeface.

The dark figure represents a pet. Both people try calling the pet to them, and the Kinect determines which one is the real owner. This can be scaled up to solve child custody disputes.

This totally ruins the Windows release party I was going to have. I still have some of the streamers and candy and strap-ons left over from my 2009 blowout.

But what about her breastfeeding! I DEMAND to know whether Marissa Mayer is going to breastfeed or not so I can criticize that decision!