Then let it mellow.

Thank you! :) It’s a purely honorary position. But there is a hat...

This guy’s information was good enough for the US, UK and Swiss authorities to go after FIFA and Sepp Blatter, and they have corruption and criminality down to an art form.

Two things:

My shit is tight. I have a great accountant. Plus, when they email me back, I always claim that I was hacked by Russians.

We request that you return, sequester, or destroy these records

When NPR was recently talking about The various hurricanes that have hit the US, my 4 year old was getting all excited because “Harry Kane is coming!!!!”

Splinter should just email ICE a copy of the spreadsheet, there’s 75% chance that ICE would think Splinter returned it.

I just emailed my local Immigration office and told them I had it and for them to get bent. I then quoted Rex Tillerson. Never in 40+ years have I felt the need to needle government agencies. Now I’m doing it regularly.

This is like closing the door after the horse escaped the barn. Except they’re asking the person who noticed the horse was gone to retrieve it. Or kill it. Whichever really.

I sorta wish these types of letters had, “Or else...” at the end. It’d match how ominously serious the letter is.

I can’t wait until “Neanderthal” is one of the results from these commercial DNA services. Finding out I have 38% (or whatever) Neanderthal ancestry would rule!

You did or he did?

I hate what he did to this country, but W was “likable”.

“What about black on black crime?”

Consolation prizes to:

Swans: Cunts.