The proletariat?

Well, it’s all about how much it can haul. Obviously, a doucheschooner hauls more than a douchecanoe, though both pale before the douchefreighter.

I mean, if I had the money, I would probably have a different ring for each day of the week. But I also like sparkle cause I’m actually a raccoon.

Here in Canada, our hotel safes double as walk-in closets and also provide universal health care.

We want black America to know we stand tall today. We will not be silencjoin the thousands of Americans using reverse mortgage as a safe, effective financial tool.

“How dare you not offer an open display that you BELONG to someone else?!?!? Only another man's claim on you will make me leave you alone!"

“What are thoooooose?”

So... I can force the hot guy who works at the gas station into my car next time I fill up and say it’s for deeply held personal belief type reasons? Is that something I can do? Yes? No? Anyone?

If only he was a literal cliffhanger, by which I mean, on an actual cliff hanging by his fingertips, while I stand over him, my decision to help the only thing between him and his plummeting death.

God, that last one is like a Monty Python sketch. It’s ex-ice cream! It’s ice cream pining for the fjords!

THE WAR ON THE PIXIE CUT MUST END. It’s hot, goddammit!

The only redeeming part about making secret menu drinks is then charging the asshole for all the add ons. Oh, you’re going to be pissy when I ask you what’s in your made up item? Here’s your $8 frappuccino.

Oh yeah?

She really knows how to pick-o de guy-o.

(•_•)
<) )╯ all the single ladies
./ \.

HEAD-DESK, APPLY DIRECTLY TO FOREHEAD

“I also wore them when I testified before Congress. Have YOU ever testified before Congress, Jenna?”

Am so enjoying the late 2nd term IDGAF Obama.

I think I’ve just about reached the moment when I would vote for a presidential candidate who actively campaigned on a platform of nihilism. Imagine that fucking debate:

DUH