Pop! The hilarious off-Broadway musical celebrating the achievements of the NBA’s most cantankerous coach, starring Brian Doyle-Murray.

Enough with the stenography, how’s this ill-timed foofaraw going to affect the highly competitive NL East race? — guy just out of two-month coma.

As DC’s baseball team, they were doing their civic duty and demonstrating how a bill becomes a law in a Congress where John Boehner is seen by the GOP’s nihilist base as too conciliatory.

Hopefully Antonio will forget his name given time

When asked for ~his~ assessment of the aforementioned players, Joe Flacco stopped emitting a low-pitched metallic drone and opined that they were four individuals who had been acquired by Cincinnati either through drafting, waiver wire, or trade and had because of their relative talents been placed in the secondary in…

This is Moe’s “Bring Back Wagon Train” sign in a sea of Springfielders protesting violence on the Itchy & Scratchy Show.

Brandon Marshall (in commercial): A guy who I looked up to and who taught me so many things, both on and off the field, was Rod Smith

“If you use the promo code GlobalThermonuclearWar4, you get an extra $100 in credit plus the missiles will be in the air in five minutes!”

Current persona non grata: smarmy Chris Hardwick knock-off repping dollar shave club. Cons: dresses like he’s in a boy band, suspect claims (“they don’t want you to buy ~their~ razors”). Pros: none.

Let’s throw in deceptive advertising into the bill of indictment; I went on Fanduel expecting to see a video of a red-faced, shirtless Auburn fan slapping a drunken and disheveled Alabama fan with a foam finger and demanding satisfaction.

On this earth-shattering news, women’s earnings slipped to 72 cents on the dollar, down from the previous peak of 91 cents on the dollar when Spy was #1 at the box office.

Newton: What’s up, ref?

I think the rule is this: if you’re a good-to-great player, you’ll be a mediocre-to-terrible manager* (Ventura, Williams, Sandberg). Hell, Ted Williams was 273-364, but probably because he was convinced that in his 50s he could still hit better than 90% of his lineup.

Hopefully Claussen can go back to his day job, toadying for a 1980s cinematic bully.

I’m CGI’ed so that I look presentable for television without making people throw up Peyton Manning and I have DirecTV.

Saban: What’s the play?

He and Rhee make the perfect power couple: he writes the textbook on committing and covering up sexual abuse, and she sells them to charter schools at a 1000% markup.

West: (stares)

Meanwhile, in Mempis, partying shirtless men are each required to have a female consort as the Bible commands.

“Terry, I’m sick of fruitlessly asking you to spell ‘cat’ after spotting you the ‘c’ and the ‘t.’ So let’s make this easy: how many Super Bowl rings do you have?” “Nine.”