Feature, not a bug.

Hey rich people. You want to donate to some worthy cause? How about pay off all these fines for the people of Florida?

If you don’t like the increased cost of your pizza, YOU should order it from somewhere else. -Me, out-assholing the assholes

Guess what?

I love how we are still pretending that “the market” is some perfectly rational utopia where the chance of increasing profits will always lead to a completely logical outcome instead of, you know, something that idiotic people both created and constantly fuck around with for no discernible reason whatsoever.  

No he didn’t. Not even when he had the flu.

Excellent list

Oooh, Mark Twain to go with your Ben Franklin.

My liver.

Sure, sure. Get back to me when a Democratic candidate accepts their help and I’ll condemn that candidate.

Uh look. I’ve had dreams of sitting in on her law school classes.

You forgot the part where Trump foils the master plan by, uh.....admitting to doing everything they are accusing him of doing.

I know that when someone is trying to set up an elaborate hoax to implicate me in a huge scandal, the best response is to just go along with everything they are accusing me of and agree that I absolutely did do that thing.

Truth is always a defense to defamation and well, I wouldn’t put money up against “Elizabeth Warren fucks” is all I’m saying.  

At first I thought the heckler was the true hero of this story. But no, Liz had to come gliding down from heaven on gossamer wings to deliver the coup de grace.

I mean, he can always do it again if he needs another hit.

A good way to disguise a thin neck is to grow a double (or triple) chin. You know, if you want to convince people of your supreme Aryan genetics.

In which case, defamation cannot exist against a public figure. Ever.

I fail to see how this statement does not meet that criteria.

Narcissists project all their stress outward onto other people.  They are the Dorian Grays of the world, everyone around them ages 10 times as fast but they live forever.