It's not "The Criminals" getting kids killed or shooting up schools. As far as I'm concerned, they can have their guns. It's the regular citizens that I'm worried about.

The bottom one was a massage candle. What the hell is a massage candle?

Long story, but the lesson learned: No matter how well-meaning, holding an intervention for your friend's ill-advised engagement is a good way to get kicked out of the wedding party. And if she changes her mind and re-invites you, make sure you reply within an hour or she'll dis-invite you. Again.

I am delighted by the shoddy craftsmanship of this display. Slightly less delighted than when I thought it was Lucifer Barbie doing the plummeting, but still delighted.

Of course the Satanic Temple had an army of lawyers helping them. What other religion would they support?

I literally tweeted about it being dark at 4:30 two days ago. I'm fucking boring AND terrible.

I saw Allison Janney in a bar onetime and she was wearing a leather moto jacket and had three hot young men with her and me and all my friends gasped simultaneously at the thrill of seeing her but none of us wanted to bother her so we just let her have her good time and it seems like a lot of fun to be Allison Janney…

I live in Traverse City- the town where Madonna's brother is a well known homeless man and her family owns a vineyard. He is well known to people in town and clearly has mental issues. This is an old story here because the family has actually tried to help him so many times and every time he goes off again he attacks…

I hate to white knight Madge, but, having been through a similar situation, sometimes you just have to stop trying to fix someone's life. That doesn't mean you stop caring.

But seriously: DO NOT fuck Mike Tyson.

Is the Mom's bridge club?