Me too! While playing golf I didn’t realize I cracked the shaft of my driver and while putting it back in the bag a splinter went through my finger, now I realize how Jesus felt getting nailed to the cross.

I’m just imagining them as the Gruffalo now.

The whole “Hollywood” Henderson comment also reminds the reader that it has been 30+ years since Bradshaw was a Relevant and Successful Football Man. It’s the football equivalent of “was a great model, I remember seeing her in my mom’s catalogs.”

I had no idea Tomlin was so sassy, he always looks so stoic. I still hate his QB (barf) and the fact that he grew up a Dallas fan (barf) but I truly appreciate some good sass in football.

I was reading a book the other day in which a character was like “ZOMG he just threw epic shade!” And I went back to see what they could possibly referring to that I missed as shade. “Your IQ rivals that of a stale Cheerio.” THAT. IS. NOT. SHADE. I had to put the book down for a minute while considering whether or not…

Best shade I’ve seen in a while because it was so multi-layered.

Thank you for taking the last case. This man of Deadspin needed that clarification  

It’s through personal travails that we reach true cosmic enlightenment.

I got a piece of a toothpick stuck between two molars the other day and it took nearly an hour to get it out, so I basically know how the Jews felt as they were fleeing Egypt.

I realize now this is why I feel so connected to the still open wounds from genocide in Rwanda... That time I stubbed my toe! I totally understand the Tutsi now.

I got a paper cut while reading a recipe for dog biscuits and now I feel the pain of every dog who has to wait for the biscuits to cool before scarfing them down. Their pain is real along with the 15 minute wait.

I tore off half of my fingernail in a dog-leash/excitable Lab accident and now I truly understand the tragedy of the Trail of Tears and the plight of the Cherokee Nation.

It was a general joke, not one specifically about refugees.

I get it, Lindsay. I cut off the tip of my finger while chopping sweet potatoes and now I truly understand the plight of the Maori.

Real chemistry luminous 3 minute peel is the most amazing facial peel I’ve ever tried. It’s super gentle on skin and not a scrub but basically makes all your dead skin come off. It’s pricey but a tiny bit is all you need so it lasts forever. https://www.birchbox.com/product/10307 I use it like every 3 days and it…

Right? The monks LOVED a good fart joke in the margins.

Clarisonic 4 lyfe. Completely changed my skin. Clarisonic + inexpensive vitamin C serum...thar she glows!

I’ve been using it for 36 years. Just use some common sense and massage very lightly and don’t use it on skin that’s already irritated.

I’m 36 and I’ve been using this scrub religiously for over ten years. I’ve tried fancier stuff but they’ve never done anything for me so St. Ives it is! Also, sometimes I get like 1500 points at Walgreens when I buy them. I don’t know what those points do but still, they’re mine!

I mean but surely not. They are making money hand over fake lip with their apps and appearances. People always guess them though!