No, you’re right, it’s fantastic. LOVE IT.

I kind of feel like I’d always be kicking myself for not getting a 328 instead. 180hp is pretty meager in modern times. Plus they both have a crappy four cylinder anyway. You can. Get an e90 with a six instead and you’ll get a more satisfying engine. I guess it won’t have a warranty, but it’s not like those are free…

The day I stop lovin’ regular lifted cars is the day I stop livin’.

Your budget is too conservative for a proper mid-life crisis, and nothing on that list would cause the requisite marital strife. That said, there’s still a way to get what you want while still going full-on Derpasaurus:

I don’t want a large Farva. I want a goddamn 12,000 liter cola.