“Ugh — even that guy got at least one throw in before he left the stadium.”

“Cleveland Weed” sounds like the worst designer drug ever: “still makes you fat and depressed, but with none of the euphoria!”

Gordon: I swear to god, this pound of weed isn’t mine!
Detective: Sure, sure. We were watching you the whole time.
Gordon: I was set up!
Detective: Who would have any reason to set you up AND be fast enough to pull this off?
Gordon: oh. my. god....

*Terrelle Pryor cackles in the shadows*

The article failed to mention that the particular strain of imaginary weed he was carrying is called Fantasy Tears.

Was he caught with a revolver in the conservatory?

Whether or not the Blue Jays make the playoffs, they will soon be dwarfed by the massive media coverage that will accompany the ceremonies and celebrations as the Maple Leafs honor 50 seasons since the franchise last appeared in the Stanley Cup finals.

That’s a voice made for the mute button.

“We now have a wonderful refurbished floor model to exchange with you”

You’d have to have a pretty crazy reason to do something like this on purpose. Schilling’s just pointing out the obvious: the person responsible clearly had a loco motive.

He only made the putt because someone in the crowd told the ball to “get in the hole.”

I couldn’t tell you my neighbor’s name either.

Trump: same answer + 1000 words of nothing related to the question + 500 words of self-assured bullshit + “Crooked Hillary”= President

Seems to me libertarianism is about as American as it gets. Socially inclusive yet wanting freedom from overbearing government. Problem is, few people know what the Libertarian Party is about and think it’s some sort of anarchist Republican spin off

+1. Nailed it.

Tebow’s god decided it didn’t like all the attention Fernandez’s god was getting.

This is the darkest timeline

I, for one, am all for more wacky sports bloopers

Sure, but I don’t care about any of that.

This rule will be changed immediately after the Patriots befuddle the Ravens with it.