The Zodiac Killer's alibi!

And not hearing your neighbor's dog, commanding you to kill?

She's gonna make it, after all!

I'm​ sure that someone, could have come with better titles. Takers, anyone?

Which only makes the magazine, even worse.

Amy Grant, best singer of all time!

Win a date with Kirk Cameron!

McRib for life!

Judas Iscariot! Just how much of a traitor, was he?

Are you heading to Purgatory? How to find out, now!

Which of The Ten Commandments, are you?

But is it condensing French waiter snooty?

"Call the Jesus Christ hotline, to hear some of Jesus' best teachings! Yes, even the Beatitudes! Dial 1-800-GOD-YEAH! Now! $2.00 per minute $1.00 for extra minutes. Ask your parents, before you call!"

Twelve Apostles, who are really hot!

Good God, I'm starting to hate the fucking smug looking smile on Agent Orange's face.

Free beer for everyone!

This case is woof!

Call us, when you get your own late night talk show.

"You're a sad strange man, and you have my pity."

Hopefully, followed by the meteoric fall of Tucker Carlson.