Rooney bears a resemblance to Shrek physically, and in that he was good once, but each successive time he performs, he gets worse and worse.

Ecuador caught ball watching.

That's pretty great. He has always reminded me of Ash from Pokemon; now I have corroborative facts!

It's smaller on the outside.

Question: Have you ever seen Gerrard win the league?

Yep, the NBA is a player-driven league...except when it comes to collective bargaining agreements.

You magnificent bastard, you've done it again.

Thomas Friedman's columns, books and public appearances deserve to be ruthlessly mocked in any context. He's the Greggggggg Easterbrook of "serious columnists," and is taken "seriously" despite being wrong, ahistorical, illogical, catachretic and racist time after time.

No, stupid is spelled "N-o-r-i-e-g-a-T-o-n-y"

Marriner's match report is also going to note that the player sent off was ineligible in the first place, having played for NY Red Bulls for the past few years.

More like Andrea Pir-less.

That's more Dimitar Berbatov's style.

What's the big deal? I see this every time I've watched a BYU game.

Lesund: Master of fårekjøtt bustin'.

This'll finally allow a young columnist to cut their teeth on the big stage.

Someone's been watching me play FIFA 14.

I bet he doesn't feel like taking on the whole Empire himself right about now.

The late, great George W. Bush once asked this very same question: "Is our children Wisconsin?"

"String of brutality scenes. No story."—Kansas City International Airport bathroom attendants, after Whitlock's 6-hour layover and 7-layer dip.