LeSean McCoy is still running

Bill Belichick was literally a high school lacrosse coach in his spare time while he was an assistant coach for the Lions, so makes sense that Patricia has that aura.

“Please just a dollar a day and this dog can get The NFL Ticket so he doesn’t have to watch the Lions play.”

When someone is nice to you in Philadelphia that’s when you know something has gone horribly wrong. 

Jeff Fisher actually made it to a Super Bowl

I’m a Lions fan who has now lived in the Philadelphia area for over 20 years. The last time the Lions played here (in the middle of a fucking blizzard in 2013) the Eagles fans in the section I was sitting in didn’t bother to even heckle me, THEY BOUGHT ME A SYMPATHY BEER

Mark my words: The Cleveland Browns will win the Super Bowl before the Lions win another playoff game.

During every Lions home broadcast, the pan shots of the Lions crowd should be set to that Sarah McLachlan song they play during the abused animal commercial.

Probably just pulled it open further since they both died first

You’re close; the Cubs winning the World Series is what opened a tear in the spacetime continuum

Matt Patricia looks like he has a closet full of shirts arranged by which type of food stains they have on them.

Almost what I said right after the 2016 election, and still applies sometimes:

The universe is broken, I’m afraid.

Paul Pasqualoni looks just like Heaven’s Gate leader Marshall Applewhite but without the charisma. Matt Patricia looks like a composite of every single Barstool reader or a sloppy high school lacrosse coach (not mutually exclusive, I know).

Tom Savage got knocked out in Houston and when he woke up he was in a Lions jersey.  Shaking your head yes during a seizure is consent in Texas

Reading this article is probably the happiest I’ll be during this Lions season. Imagine being the fan of a franchise and the happiest you know you’ll be during the entire football season is reading a Drew Magary piece in freakin’ July.

All I have to say right now is, frankly, it’s amazing to me that WYTS 2019 has been going on for over a week now and still hasn’t gotten to Cleveland

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

Me when Marianne Williamson started her discussion on Flint by pointing out economic inequality and government’s response to places of poverty vs wealth and the disenfranchisement of people of color but then pivoting to dark psychic energy.

Sanders shot back: “It’s not a business!”