Odds are pretty good Florida Man was drunk off his ass when he dialed the phone. Add that to the fact that he’s clearly an idiot, and it’s remarkable that he was able to form anything resembling a complete sentence.

If you know anything about politics you knew it was only a matter of time before Ilhan Omar would become the target of violent right wing bigots. Before you had even heard the name Ilhan Omar if I described a young, black, Muslim woman politician who isn’t afraid to stand up for left wing politics and speak out…

Waters is so smug in his wrongness he’s impossible to take seriously. I don’t think he’s smart enough for it to be an act, but it often feels like he’s channeling Andy Kaufman’s heel wrestler.

Buddy looks like allergic reaction David Schwimmer.

He’s obviously a WWE fan.

It’s effectively dumbass purple prose for, “Yours will be the first skull on the pile.”

Think of the average eighth-grade student’s fiction work.  Apply it to what this dude said.  Problem solved.

“...It was your Taliban, bitch, who fucking opened up her fucking towel head mouth about ‘some people did it,” the Florida man reportedly said. “You know what, she’s lucky she’s just getting death threats...So are you. All right?…‘Cuz the day when the bell tolls…and this country comes to a war, there will be no more…

The hat tip by the opposing player was a nice touch. Really playing the game the right way.

Imagine the view of the play that guy had. He’s tracking the ball, it’s going over the wall, he knows JBJ is down there but what can he really do about it before he’s face-to-face making direct eye contact with him from the goddamn waist up and the ball in his glove.

I read the stories about how he spent the off-season talking to JD Martinez about hitting and studying with his personal team about it and thought it would unlock something. He was such a good hitter at South Carolina, he’s not a complete numpty with the bat.

I appreciate the likely eye contact he made with the starting-to-celebrate bullpen pitcher. 

Well, I guess we found his weakness, the sole point of vulnerability for a historically good player, almost mythically good in some respects, and so I suppose we should call that weakness something that represents said singular area of anatomical imperfection: This is Durant’s Lebron’s Dick.

very true, but then he’ll go on a 12 game hitting streak with like a .457 average, 6 doubles, a triple and 2 dingers. then he’ll have a month long slump hitting .097, but hoovering every ball within a 2 mile radius. dude is so baffling. 

JBJ has the “Meh, it’s just Wednesday” reaction down pat. Just another day at the office.

I love how he double clutches the ball - while 3 feet off the ground, body and arm hanging into the bullpen....

JBJ is certainly putting the question of “just how bad does he have to be offensively before his glove no longer makes up for it” to the test but when you see a play like this you feel like it buys him at least another week in the starting lineup 

*Rex Ryans bursts in, wheezing*
Heard the...headline...need to...hear more.

He hasn’t even signed with the Knicks yet and he’s cursed.

And now our cup-watch is ended.