Any day I’m reminded that I live in a world with Big Poppa Pump is a bit better, thank you.

Scooby, you seem a bit cranky, need a Scooby Snack? Zoinks.

I want the internet to band together and get something for that poor guy at the second window. Something like a better fucking job. We’ve all been there at some point.

Why the shit is St. Louis so high? There’s no fucking way on earth you can honestly say St. Louis is better than Vegas.

For me, Cigars being awful and annoying is kind of the point. I’m a recovered white trash asshole, grew up in a trashy town, was a young teenage asshole once upon a time. Now I vote Democrat, believe in equality, watch what I say to avoid hurting people’s feelings, and just try to be a decent person.

Pool noodle light sabers? Wear a cup or Vader’s gonna spend the whole party in the fetal position crying that his balls got Death Starred.

But we’ve got the biggest balls of them all!

Thanks Robocop!

The important question for me, as a guy, is does Trump get to choose top or bottom?

Thank you for asking the real questions.

I think you have to beat Bowser and collect 120 stars.

So who was the first brave tester that made sure this thing wouldn’t immediately rip off your dick. I mean, it grips and pulls. I know there are specs and calculations that can reasonably tell you it’s safe, but there had to be some poor asshole that shakily gave this thing a go, thinking to himself ‘OK, here’s hoping…

Eeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwww

So only a 6 month supply?

I like Zen Pinball, but my god they’re obsessed with cramming as many flippers on a table as possible. I think they’ve gotten up to 7 on the Empire Strikes Back table if I remember properly. I don’t think they’ve ever done a simple, 2 flipper table, and in real pinball those are some of my favorites for the speed of…

Fuck.

Swear to god, first time I’m stuck on the subway with some pregnant lady blasting crap music from her cooch is the point where I finally move to the fucking suburbs.

They gave you a cup of cheese, to dip the cheese crusted nachos in. My god.

Dear Sega,

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!1 NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE