I know a Connor that’s not a douchebag. Granted, he’s five years old...

I’ll let the master take it from here.

“Also, don’t worry about it. Just say you’re going to pay for it, but don’t actually do what you say. Trust me, it works. Beautifully. But, ok ok, I get it. You don’t even have to say you’re going to pay for it. Just like, don’t say anything at all. Please, I can’t handle it. I personally need you to lie for me. Also,…

I give you this slightly altered version.

Where’s Weaver when you need her?

Every time I see the name Shookus, I think of this:

“THIS MESSAGE IS VERY GRAMMATICALLY INCORRECT BUT ITS FROM THE HEART. BUT I THINK THERES SOMETHING SPECIAL ABOUT IMPERFECTIONS!!”

SEND IN THE BOY SCOUTS!

whatEVER, Gwyneth.

The first Golf War

Guilty for evidence tampering (planting the gun) but that won’t necessarily prove (to a racist) the shooting was unjustified so not guilty of murder.

Well duh. Can someone please beat him up NOW? Preferably Michelle Obama because that would be proof (a) God exists...

He probably was also turned down multiple times by Latina classmates in Santa Monica and it scarred him for life. I would bet money that this guy has a secret fetish for la raza.

Miller is Buster Bluth after a couple self help pyramid scheme seminars.

I am convinced Miller got beat up a lot as a kid.

It is pretty much established fact no one liked him at any of the schools he went to growing up, and had a habit of arguing with just about everyone. I’m sure a few ass beatings were involved.

I’m convinced his parents told him “Don’t worry Stephen, one day you’ll work in the White House while those losers that bullied you will slowly die inside frustrated by their own impotence.”

I am convinced Miller got beat up a lot as a kid.

This is pretty much all you need to know about her. It’s all that a lot of Angelenos know about her! I think people are mostly fond of her, she’s one of the local oddballs who are totally harmless and also definitely living their own idiosyncratic dream.