Well at least you’re not limiting your inability to write about something to just one subject.

“NEW Police report says @Patriots fan says ‘I got drunk and did something stupid’”

Jesus, that’s bleak. I live in an actual city where I don’t describe anything as “less than an hour away.”

Dear Chase, I feel like I can call you Chase because you and me are so alike. I’d like to meet you one day, it would be great to have a catch. I know I can’t throw as fast as you but I think you’d be impressed with my speed. I love your hair, you run fast. Did you have a good relationship with your father? Me neither.…

Weird, I don’t know anyone that doesn’t have a full-time job.

No wonder Aaron Rodgers’ family doesn’t want to talk to him—dude straight up killed someone.

Rovell, Sr. saw Marv Marinovich and thought, “I could do that.”

That’s all I asked for initially. Thanks for the information. (For the record, I don’t disagree with anything you just ranted about, unasked, but I didn’t bring it up in the first place for that very reason.)

So what are the names of the players?

What a weird thing to have lied about.

Or you could just tell me since you already know the answer and are using it to make a point. I don’t get why you’re defensive about answering a question.

Since you’ve now said this twice, can you name the players you’re referring to?

Nah, see these are boring people who are dumb enough to think abstinence-only works, so once they get married and have 2-3 kids, that’s it for sex until they get drunk at a school auction and have a fourth kid that’s 8 years younger but totally planned, not a mistake.

Never trust anyone that has a beard but no mustache.