“Don’t do that. They still get pregnant in the air.”

This story makes no sense for so many different reasons, but for the record, I’m totally cool with peeing nearly anywhere. I personally pee in my bathroom’s second sink. Every time. Wake up in the middle of the night with a boner: pee in the sink. Easier to aim, obviously. Wake up in the middle of the night without a…

I was going to say a shitty one but somehow it doesn’t seem appropriate.

This would have got him a raise if he worked at R. Kelly University.

I thought Deadspin would be excited about the decision. Finally an American sports team is going to reuse an old Arena.

Advisor: The President faithfully executes

All my excess live in Texas.

This. “Your team losing” is ranked only slightly below ”my team winning”.

Nah, Cubs fans existed 8 years ago.

Can’t he borrow a fresh one from Antonio Alfonseca?

No, I mean literally. Props to Bauer are what got him in this mess.

“Ugh — even that guy got at least one throw in before he left the stadium.”

Don’t judge. He’s just killing time counting attendance.

LeBatard is the best thing on ESPN and still a hell of a writer. Perhaps nobody more qualified in the world to communicate the impact of this young man’s death to the rest of us. Today sucks.

“This feels so cruel, so wrong, so unfair. It is the worst kind of awful, young life extinguished with thudding finality before it can really be lived, but it is somehow made harder because it was this life.” Take a minute to read Dan Le Batard on the death of José Fernández. [Miami Herald]

That’s true, but perhaps Cashman is taking a page out of Epstein’s Cub playbook: good bats are harder to come by than good arms. Given the inflated strikeout totals and fragility of young arms, good young bats are a safer and valuable bet than arms. Epstein rationalized that he could always get arms when he needed to,…

Not lying, just jumping the gun.

Because as ridiculous as the NFL is, the IOC is the most corrupt sports organization in the world. They make the NFL look like the Boy Scouts.

I sincerely doubt he’d terrify his own mother for laughs. Not about something like this.

Thank goodness he's ok - it would have been really ugly if he dyed.