Whiskey Advent calendar or it didn’t happen.

I will buy you a pizza.

THEY HAD TO BE LASSOED!!!! IN THE WEEDS!!!!

Sorry, come Sunday I’m protesting these fucks. I can’t... not.

You almost took someone’s life over FUCKING. MINTS. You pulled your gun on someone because you thought they had taken candy???

♪♪ Living in America ♪♪

“People know right from wrong and anyone we track down who kept a dollar of this money all be arrested for theft. The time to do the right thing an call us to turn in the money is now, because once we knock on your door, you won’t be able to avoid being arrested.”

I just drove for nine hours straight, but I don’t think that’s solely to blame for how confusing that Megan Markle story was.

“Flop around on and sweat all over”. Pardon me while I go barf up my breakfast.

Are...are people snorting condoms...?

Crossing my fingers that a rogue yearbook staffer puts her photo back in the yearbook right before the pages go to the publisher (as a former yearbook staffer in high school, sticking it to the administration is a cause near and dear to my heart).

Love Your Kitties thread:

Vote vote vote vote vote. Vote in every local election. Vote every time they crack the door to the polling place. Fucking VOTE.

You killed a dog because you didn’t know how to handle him? Are you fucking serious? What kind of deranged piece of shit are you? This OP is going to cut her sister out of her life, not, y’know KILL HER. How you even thought your selfish sociopathic homicidal tendencies are equivalent is beyond me. Living beings are…

I generally try to be polite on Jezebel, but screw that.

Shelters / rescues exist for a reason, you know. All dogs “deserve it.”

“I once had a dog that was a dick. He was small, but very mean. I finally put him to sleep, even though he wasn’t sick.”

Michael seems to have missed his calling in life. His form of wit is gold dust over here.