Brian Pillman Brown

My college debt, amassed from getting a journalism degree, enables me to laugh at this joke.

Joel Embiid IS Diarrhea FIFY

I think Indiana is the Florida of the Midwest.

Having to catch passes from those Cleveland jabronis would lead me to heavy substance abuse too.

If you mess with the Bulls...you don’t really get the horn.

Just a bunch of short-short dudes shooting midrange jumpers and not playing d.

Kidd is a moron.

But they can pair him with a 40-year-old Joel Embiid! 14 feet in length and nearly 80 years in age combined!

I just love how this year’s Bucks team is finally employing spacing around one of the best slashers we have ever seen—spacing...what a concept!?!

If anyone was ever curious to see what a Giannis-led offense would be like with actual floor spacing, you better thank your lucky stars for Coach Bud. Also, thank God GM LeBron had no interest in signing Brook Lopez.

Haha, the “what high school did you go to?” questions were typically fielded in the south side/Millvale (breweries)/Sq. Hill-ish. It’s funny too, because there is so much coded information that is delivered when a yinzer answers that question, but, being a foreigner, I don’t really know what it means if you went to…

I’ve lived here for 9 years—disproportionate civic pride masking a huge inferiority complex. Everybody waxes poetic about Pittsburgh’s blue collar grittiness, but when Amazon farts in their direction, yinzers have orgasmic aneurysms offering every tax break in the book to flood this post-industrial wasteland with tech…

He has a nose for the ball!

“I’d marry Scuderi but I’d bang LeTang!”

I am not proud to report I have met that challenge, though I didn’t get on the wall of fame because I couldn’t finish the hashbrowns delivered on the pizza tray.

It’s the Milwaukee Bucks! This is my team. We haven’t won a playoff series in 17 years! We get to celebrate playoff wins.

Boston used to be the cute losers which made their cruel sports losses sympathetic. Then they won everything for 15 years, so any time they play the victim card, I want them all to get sucked into the blackhole at the center of Bill Simmons’s self-awareness (“I’m the everyman who has tech CEOs, Al Pacino and Kevin…

HAHAHAHAHA—that’s brilliant

The fact that lede picture for this story shows Jaylon Brown getting d’ed up by Jason Terry tells you everything you need to know about this series.