Umami.

Umami can die in a fire. 

Once in third grade, my father off-handedly mentioned that under the Constitution, we didn’t actually have to stand up and do the Pledge of Allegiance. So me being the third grade dink that I was, the next day I stayed seated for the Pledge at my local private school, and was promptly sent to the pastor and the…

southern white guys age faster then a half-eaten avocado 

This is my dirty-secret favorite canned food. I get a small can about once a year and punch it up with an egg and some peppers and onions (and hash browns if I also happen to have them).

Corned beef hash.

Bitch McConnell will never go out of style.

This is the real problem, I think. Tucker Carlson is 49, which means he was . . . 22 or so when the Soviet Union collapsed. Megyn Kelly is 47, which means she was 20.

You have no idea what you’re talking about. You are brutally uninformed and probably needed something, anything, to hand in to your editor, even if that something turned out to be this unfortunate piece. The only reason it would be “hard to argue with these young voters” is because none of them could put their phone…

Krueger tolerated my views fairly well, too; it’s really because I went for Mirkinson’s throat (rhetorically speaking) that I ate the hammer of grey.

But, yeah, the Freshman-who-just-took-their-first-Psychology-course-and-now-understands-everything-about-the-human-condition quality of some of the articles that have…

Amazing. Every word of what you just said was wrong.