so thats what a seventh degree burn looks like...

That’s because we olds know how to do things without making an extreme out of it and killing ourselves in the process.

That’s not the dumbest question, but it’s also not exactly brilliant. “Hey coach, do you think you’ll get a new player to replace the one who can’t play”?

Equally amazing in Superbad. Kudos, you do good work.

Thanks, but I get mistaken for Terry Crews all the time.

I enjoy your work on Brooklynn 99.

He only punched me twice after this photo. Seems nice. (Jk. He’s a god damn disgrace)

“They were all clearly high on reefer.” - This comment was brought to you by the NFL and Anheuser-Busch. Please remember to binge drink responsibly.  

In honor of JoePa they should take a 26 year moment of silence.

And on the “American Outrage” meter, this revolting display has only earned 0.0001 Kaepernicks.

I haven’t seen the Seminoles massacred by someone name Jackson since good Ol’ Hickory did it in the 1820's

This has been scientifically proven to be the best beer label of all time:

Didnt Lee Greenwood write/sing “proud to be an American”?

He’s wondering why his email to tips@gawker.com bounced

Meanwhile this guy is like whatever I got sh*t to do on my phone, lol

AZ is #1 in UFO sightings per capita! We, Texans, apparently have the most pet tigers. Take that Florida and Arizona!

I know of no other mediocre hitter who drove players and fans to insanity in their seething hatred of a player. Farewell A.J. Pierzynski, you won’t be missed.

That phrase is “for all intents and purposes”. Just so you know.

Authorities recovered a list made by the caller entitled Ways To Make Money: