The lips too...so fucking weird.

I’m pretty sure the whole indiscriminate murder part is the grounds to get the death penalty, but thanks for your input.

Are you sure she wasn’t watching Drew’s episode of Chopped?

Some people just like to be angsty on the internet.

Some people just like to be angsty on the internet.

I can’t wait for Deadspin’s “The 49ers Don’t Have Enough Parking and Are Too Fucking Cheap to Do Anything About It” article in six months.

Life's just easier with meth.

I’m just going to kill you by stabbing myself in the fucking hands

The lowest common denominator showed up to vote for the last guy just because he is black, and will show up to vote for Hillary just because she has a vagina. It's really not hard to imagine them showing up to vote for a celebrity.

Some would argue it’s the most important part.

(It’s unclear what exactly what the penile plethysmograph does or proves.)

That...doesn’t even make sense

My god I hope he wins, if for no other reason than to infuriate butthurt libtards everywhere.

I feel like I’ll see that in my nightmares

Is this pre-tax or take-home?

YOU’RE A TOWEL!

I would totally buy my son one of those Power Wheels cars

I agree...I'm a civil engineer in the transportation world and these are giving me a migraine just thinking about them.

If I was retiring at 30 with millions of dollars I probably wouldn't bother to fix my tie either.

aaaand i laughed so loud at that everybody at work now knows i'm on the internet

WHO THE FUCK ARE ANY OF US