Watching him hit in interleague games was a major highlight of my baseball watching career.

And this leads to the inevitable follow-up questions, namely: How the hell do you import something illegally? Aren't there customs agents standing at the border with a giant car crusher waiting to destroy right-hand drive Supras? Is my friend going to get in trouble? How did he get plates? Will his car be confiscated?…

I'm afraid of cars. The real ones, I mean. And not in some vague, existential way that makes me fear for the future of planet earth's ecosystem or wonder what it is about human nature that compels us to fetishize giant pieces of machinery that hurl us through space with a speed and imprecision that proves deadly far…

You can't convince me THIS didn't happen.

I've never seen something go from mildly funny to beaten into the fucking ground so fast in my life.

Montana did it in an era when you could rape WR's. Brady plays in a much friendlier NFL.

in all seriousness...who the hell pays for porn? the most degenerate, porn-addicted son of a bitch on earth couldn't possibly get through even a small fraction of the free porn on the internet.

it was on Deadspin's front page, usually they only cover real sports so I was curious as to what this was.

Would love to see you write a guacamole article!

Yes, I'm terrified. I don't know if I'll ever recover from not knowing that kicking a ball into a net is amaze-balls. I should probably be castrated so I don't reproduce.

Thank you for giving me the only non-dickhead answer to my question lol. Like I said, I don't watch soccer so I didn't really get it.

So...he's Rocky IV?

not from what i've read, no

I don't watch soccer like....at all, so I guess I don't get what's so great about this...it just looks like some dudes passing and then one scores. Am I missing something?

I am a lifelong, die-hard 49ers fan. This team is a fucking train wreck right now.

uh...what? yeah they are.

"I would just like to take a moment in this completely non-political article and remind you that I'm a liberal asshole!"

We also would have accepted Roger Goodell

I've owned pigs. That number is going to be hovering around 100% of the lifetime of the pig.

If they think you're an asshole for wanting to watch your team in the NFCCG then you're better off without them. Christ I would skip my grandma's funeral for that.