“That was fugazi,” Johnson said

She probably would have if she’d known he was gonna run away from her like he was being chased by a dinosaur.

I don’t usually do impressions, but here’s mine of Deadspin’s Final Four coverage.

Relevant

If the Flyers get the 8th spot, they’re playing with house money. Hexy has the rebuild 1-2 years ahead of schedule. Their best young talent hasn’t even come to the NHL yet. Nobody saw the Flyers contending for a spot this soon. So if they draw the Caps and the series is decided, any one of the people listed will go…

I think we found a new love interest for Frank Reynolds.

Yeah, I demand an explanation for the Barrel’s high ranking. YOU CAN’T EVEN DRINK THERE.

I’m no fan of Tom Brady, but I don’t have an opinion to put here after that statement.

Has anyone considered just asking the Warriors to chill the fuck out?

I was all ready to try this but it really cuts into my drinking time.

Prosecutor: “Now Mr. Pierre-Paul, is the man who tweeted your medical records in the courtroom today?”

the left eyebrow is really doing its own thing over there.

“Let’s try a black one.”

The real story is THIS guy and his glorious perm!

Also these kids:

*glares angrily at daycare bill of $1800/month*

TOM BRADY DEFLATED THE FOOTBALLS AND PEYTON MANNING DID PEDS AND RUSSELL WILSON HAS NEVER HAD SEX AND CAM NEWTON STILL HAS THAT FUCKING LAPTOP SOMEWHERE AND ANDY REID IS ACTUALLY TWO ANDY REIDS WEARING AN ANDY REID SKIN SUIT AND BRUCE ARIANS AND SAMUEL L. JACKSON GO HAT SHOPPING TOGETHER AND TIM TEBOW IS BEING…

Judging from that photo, I think it’s safe to say that Chip is finally ready to take over Callahan Auto.