Jeb Bush: Please clap.

Can you imagine, being a US citizen and going through all the trouble of buying that given the restrictions only to pull the panties down and get an eyeful of mosaic pixels.

Food fight. Condiments. Probation.

Goofus is in the first pic; Gallant is in the second.

People who brake on the highway.

That the person making the argument probably starts at least 35% of his sentences with “Well, actually....”

To be fair, it was a very stupid question. Do you really think Donald Trump watches hockey after what happened to his favorite team 37 years ago?

This makes United seem almost unbelievably incompetent. Why were people allowed to board if they knew not all of them were going to be on the plane? Denying someone boarding is way easier than asking someone who’s sitting down to get off.

“What advantages does this war have over, say, an ethnic cleansing, which I could also afford?”

“Are the Magic that crafty?”

“If they would have lost, that would have been just the cherry on top”

I admire Pence for coming up with this common sense solution to a very real problem.

“take off ur cardigan... take off ur second cardigan”

Certain of his books are really, really good. Others were written during cocaine and alcohol-fueled binges (Cujo, Tommyknockers) that they really don’t hold up well. King apparently doesn’t remember writing Cujo, since he was blackout drunk during most of the writing process.

If they’re looking for an unoccupied space that’s hosted bowls, how about Mark Davis’ head?

“These people have awful names.”

Putin already has.

Winning “Double Dare” or “GUTS” would have been the tops, I’d have been rolling in some fuckin’ sweet LA Gear shoes for the duration of my adolescence (which, coincidentally would have made me a little shit)

The 14 stunned birds were later quoted as saying “They were so good at the beginning of the season, what the fuck happened?!”