If you think a 500+ hp wagon blends in with anything on the road in America right now I think your vision might’ve been affected by all the leaded gas your ‘69 Charger used.

So, I’ve owned my 2010 since 2016. Bought with 54K miles, has 83K right now. I came into the lifecycle at the perfect place: first owner was a lease, second was a CPO, 3rd is me.

Riiiiiiight.

There’s only one “The Fridge,” and that guy ain’t him.

So do you think enchiladas shouldn’t have cheese? Have you ever made enchalada sauce? It’s literally Mexican gravy. The math is clear on this:

Wow, he’s really lucky, because, while they take drug offenses super-seriously in New Hampshire, they recently repealed the death penalty. Not only that, but hanging was still on the books in NH as one of the possible means of execution, until earlier this year! So, he won’t have to worry about mobs of people…

HE HATE TEAMS

Finally, the league from Any Given Sunday is here for real! 

> How many neo-nazi \ alt-right people are going to be attending MLS games anyway?

MLS openly supports the Pride movement (as it damn well should), including rainbow flags & kits, but yet somehow also wants to court the neo-nazis?

3 - slam his head in fridge door while channeling your inner Joe Pesci

“...it’s a price to pay for being hospitable.”

I can’t wait to be old enough and hammered enough in a bar at 2:30 in the afternoon that a punch to the head from a pro fighter doesn’t even phase me. A young, drunk buck would have tried to retaliate. This grizzled old man doesn’t even give McGregor the satisfaction of being preturbed.

Or maybe the wealthy professional football team he plays for could figure out a way to get its hands on one for him.

Yeah, that should never happen. There’s nothing worse than having to melt down the ice bin during a busy shift. Or how it always seems like you have to do it twice on the worst days.

“I know us servers aren’t making a ton of money...”

“Sure, I’ll pay it out of my slip-and-fall settlement money, dick.”

I think they’re dusted with meth or rohypnol.

I’d be more embarrassed if someone I knew saw me walking out of a Hooters than if they saw me walking out of a strip club. At least the strip club is being honest with itself. Hooters is just sad. 

Speaking of Subway, which as you may have heard is going through it right now, the 1,100+ restaurants it closed