Here here! I’m estranged from my father / had my mom pass away age 9, and I was all up for making my teachers uncomfortable.

Two lost families is two too many. I’m so sorry. Hope you now have a good chosen family to embrace and nurture you.

I’m going to back up and read this but first I have to stop simultaneously crying and fist pumping. Standing in Target last night looking for a card: Nope, Nope, F**k No, In my dreams, In her dreams. Better make it one with a cash holder. (I went with the soft water color with the simple “Happy Mother’s Day”.) Not…

Okay so thank you for this: this is the kind of thing that makes jezzie good. My mother is a clinical narcissist (not sure of the exact diagnosis name but basically her psychologist told me and then was just like okay peace out now). My whole life I’ve struggled with understanding why she would continually reject me…

I have always loathed this “holiday,” but now that I have my own children I tolerate it. They give me Nutella and let me sleep in, and in return I work to make them feel all the love, support, and acceptance that was sorely missing from my childhood.

This is my mother minus drinking plus that EXACT haircut.

YOU ARE LOVED AND STRONG AND BRAVE AND I AM VERY PROUD OF YOU.

Thank you so much for this.

OMG YAAAAS YASSSSSSS TO EVERY IDIOT COMMENTER WHO KEPT SAYING SHE WAS JUST OVERLINING HER LIPS I AM SINGING DASHBOARD’S VINDICATED AND DANCING AROUND THIS AIRPORT TERMINAL ALSO I AM PROBABLY VERY DRUNK

So, like 91% of them are pregnant?! Fuck everything I want off this trash planet.

Well, there’s a big, fat wake-up call to anyone who doesn’t believe rape is a tool of war or that access to and control over one’s own reproductive care (including abortion) is a human right.

Same. I recall vividly how badass I thought I was, a freshman in college, for having half a Mike’s Hard Lemonade. Aw, past reboundstudent, such an adorable dork.

The funny thing is, teen parties only cross the line to real danger because all the parental rules mean they’ll get in trouble if they actually are honest. Part of this is a public policy problem - punishments for parents who condone underage drinking - but most of it is cultural. I lived in Germany for a while and I…

Honestly though, I never did any of this shit as a teenager. I went to the movies with friends, we went to Dairy Queen after, and that was about as rowdy as I got. It’s gotten quite annoying hearing “ALL TEENS DO IT GOD!!!!”

OH MY GOD I HATE GOING TO ADULT PARTIES NOW BECAUSE THEY ALL SUCK. Like, I don't care that I’m 30, can we please play flip-cup and kings?

That’s funny. My 19-year-old niece went to visit her 28-year-old brother and his wife in another state and was utterly horrified when they invited friends over and spent the whole night talking about health insurance and mortgages. She asked me, “IS THIS WHAT IT MEANS TO BE AN ADULT?” She wants a waiver for that.

I never did anything like this when I was a teenager. My parents never let me go out of the house or do anything. It would never have occurred to me to want to go to a party like this at all at that age. All I wanted to get to do was go to the movies and maybe a play that my friends were in. But my parents also never…

Then they really should come to my parties. Me and my friends just push the furniture to the side and dance. We also have a gay dinner talking about our plans of ruining the fabric of American society. Our new book is out:

This kind of shit has to be instant termination for the cop involved. It’s the only way we are ever going to get progress. Because currently, we as citizens are paying for the legal defense and salary of a cop that 1) unconstitutionally seized a phone being used to record potential misconduct; 2) unconstitutionally…