I know what I'm watching tonight.

LOL! I'd definitely make out with you.

"Opening your teeth" sounds to me like someone is removing a few layers of their enamel. Also, how did this veer from first kiss to a dry hump? It's a first kiss shouldn't it be more innocent and isn't the charm in the awkwardness? This isn't 50 Shades of Grey.

Is this advice for first kiss or first rape? Also—how do you open your teeth? Can someone elaborate?

Laziness is in the eye of the beholder.

Fuck Wonder Woman. Where the SHIT are all our independent female superheroes? I'm not talking about women with super powers who are the biproducts of existing comics. How many ladies have independently stood alone as the main hero of a comic book series?

Ladies, forget the tanning. Why waste time sun-bathing when I can teach you amazing belly dancing moves in the shade. Have you seen my skin? I'm pastier than the Pillsbury dough boy and I've had no complaints—okay, maybe one.