Trainer: What’s your name?

Copilot: Sum Ting Wong

Pilot: Ho lee Fuk

I left some Adderall in my Ford Fiesta, and now it is a Ford Focus.

A huge man abusing a little guy at Penn State, where have i heard this story before?

Mee mother mee moo moids moo midenmimied mare mot mammom mexammles.

At least he threw it in a dumpster and not on the side of the road. That would bring a tear to anyone’s eyes.

I’m crying on the toilet, and I didn’t even have Chipotle yesterday.

ARRESTING OFFICER: Names?

I’d watch. I’d so watch.

Which heroine? I like Wonder Woman. Hopefully, our heroines manage to stay off heroin.

Cowland responded: “We built it because we could.”

IOC spokesman (pictured); ‘ didn’t happen, everything’s fine.’

Thank goodness he's ok - it would have been really ugly if he dyed.

That song is about the business jet, not the car. It really pissed me off when people who drove G6's thought it was about the car.

Okay so this one time, I convinced my friend to let us take his dads 250 California out for the day in Chicago and...well...lets just say it was one interesting day off.

I valeted my ‘98 Cavalier a few times (currently at 251k miles, some rust on the doors - and at least one of the times, had a nice exhaust leak - also leaks gas a little. Good little car otherwise).

Oh you meant a horror story for me, not them.

I don’t valet park my car because it’s a stick shift, and also I’m poor.

At least he can blame it on getting neutered...I can only blame it on cheese and bacon.