Lawd have mercy!! Putting those boxers on in the morning would turn me back into a little boy!!

So, spider-leggedcookiesforbreakfast?

They’d have to ground that plane for another week if that was me, ‘cause I would’ve shat myself repeatedly if I awoke to what I thought was an abandoned plane in flight.

I was just about to say, this is some Langoliers shit.

The only thing she could have done differently is kill this god damned piece of shit as soon as she met him.

At the time, I thought I had clicked on an Onion story. I’m now going to go back in time to when I still thought this was an Onion headline so I don’t have to deal with this reality. Cause if this shit is real then I just can’t. Fuck humanity.

At least he didn’t say Mayo.

Is the World’s Largest Hot Dog a World’s Largest Sandwich?

I can totally understand not giving cash directly to homeless people. OTOH, for a person buying the food you make in order to give it to homeless people?  Yeah, if your business/organization doesn’t like this, then that business/organization definitely falls into the category of  what is called ‘paying lip service to…

That is EXACTLY who this vapid,MTV reality show reject reminds me of.

Strictly speaking from the tax-payer angle, it is MUCH cheaper to keep him in for life, than have him file all those numerous appeals that come along with the death-penalty.

I was sitting here thinking, “But, like, Clay never WAS funny. His career didn’t go down the toilet because of any kind of censorship or backlash. Everyone kind of reached a consensus that he was just simply not funny”.

I’m sorry, was this supposed to be filed to TheOnion?

I couldn’t believe how whale the seal sang in tuna.

Shit, Clarence Thomas makes Uncle Tom look like MLK!

But what are you gonna name it?

I can only hope it wasn’t between their teeth.

Why not Havok/Alex?

I just assumed Obama reversed the cliche, and picked Biden to be his token white friend, tbh.

“My dad, who was the great John McCain, in case you’ve forgotten, would have definitely wanted us to release them from the concentration camps. He would then declare war on Mexico.”