oh god, his weary Batman voice would be so sexy

They've adapted Jane Eyre so many times, I guess I would see a deranged, bayou-set version just for the change of pace

Here, have an Oscar.

You left out the most baffling detail: directed by Vince the Shamwow guy!!!

Yeah, Carl's foxiness is underrated

Good for you, Niece Denise!

She was charming on the Pete Holmes Show recently, just don't read the comments… (I guess "never read Youtube comments" would be the way to go)

Yeah, early career Monty is pretty dreamy, my issue is that most of his flm roles seem to parallel his shitty, tragic real life & make me bummed out

I will always be grateful to Max for tweeting about Big Star taqueria in Chicago, so I knew to check it out on vacation. Still dreaming about that dulce de leche milkshake

Psycho Mike!

Hey, look at this weird skin on my elbow! plasticbagplasticbag

I recently bought the DVD so I can force everyone I know to watch it (and rewatch it myself)

I think the likeliest trajectory for my life at this point is becoming Jim Broadbent from this movie: misanthropic shut-in whose daily routine alternates between drinking & 'bating.
Also, Adam Scott's asshole character is so hilarious: "That's such a … stupid question"

Amidst all this talk of cast additions, I hope there's still more screen time for lovable poindexter Lester, my 1950s dream date

I remember being furious as a teenager when my Dad wouldn't let me stay up to watch Conan on a Friday; I now realize he just wanted me out of the way so he could watch porn
Parenting: I need therapy

I know someone who used to be a waitress, but is consistently hateful to wait staff, acting like: "He/she isn't as good at it as I was" I've been embarrassed by her behaviour so many times I won't eat out with her anymore

just thinking of his ruined VHS tapes is making me laugh

I was quite traumatized by the head explosion scene as a kid

Did you finally get those cha-cha heels that you asked for?

If anything, I'm jealous of the Brewers; that sausage race looks super fun, & now you have an adorable mascot!