So let me ask you this. When Cameron Diaz got on magazine covers, did you also feel the same way? Was this also considered diversity to you?

You can be Mexican and white. You do know that, right?

Rita is an Albanian from Yugoslavia. I’m putting her in the white category.

Maybe for Fourth of July she can recommend Andre popsicles, it’ll be more on brand.

What game would he win? Pie eating? Golf cart racing? I’m at a loss.

geriatric fat fuck should have picked a game he might actually be able to win

Remember when Donald was going to make us respected by the whole world? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

“My intentions was to have God kill me. I ran out of bullets,” he said. “Suicide by cop was my intention.”

I’m living on mostly rice, these days, but still subscribe to the New Yorker.

I recently watched the entirety of Friends for the first time ever and was appalled at the amount of homophobic and misogynist jokes. I don’t know why people love that show so much.

Raging narcissists are really, really good at convincing someone that they’re special, that everyone else was terrible, and so only they can be trusted because everyone else is an enemy. It can be extremely convincing - even to the point where someone may be willing to step over all the discarded former aides and…

“What do we want?”

I also asked her to describe Trump in three words and her response was: “Stupid asshole”

The protesters are usually white middle aged Christian men, and so are the cops.

these are the wrong kind of protestors. these ones are on the right side, so they’re ok. only liberal protestors are tase-worthy.

Chuck Tingle is a very real author of short erotica books involving animals (prehistoric or alive) and random sentient objects, who has a very special imagination.

Yea, but we’re not rich. Rich people are entitled to never have to deal with the mild inconveniences that plague us proles.

His Juicero style viagra vape pen despenser start-up will never get investors now.

Oh for fuck’s sake. We’ve all had nightmare vacations. Oh you had to eat a cheese sandwich and pee on the beach? Get over it.

I’m gonna chat with him when he comes for dinner. Set the boy straight.