(slaps dollar bill on the counter)

I hope it's Oliver Platt.

"We see tabloid headlines that suggest she’s a screw-up, and when we meet her she’s in jail for a coke bust."

…throws My Pet Goat to the floor…

Ha! Just as funny the 32nd time!

TIME TRAX

I dropped LEGENDS because it was probably the worst acted series on the air. And the stories made no sense. TIMELESS wisely limits itself to three protagonists, which should make for easier, clearer storytelling.

SLIDERS wasn't time travel. They stayed in contemporary times, but "slid" through different alternate Earths.

Are they tied with the Winchester brothers?

THE TIME TUNNEL > VOYAGERS! > TIME COP > TIME TRAX

He's so bad that he was suspected of being Red John.

Not an anthology. It's a miniseries.

It's embarrassing enough that none of their 27 regular cast members have the talent to play Sanders and Trump. Can you imagine 1976 Lorne Michaels thinking, "Hmm, whom can I bring in from outside to play Jimmy Carter and Gerald Ford?" Can you imagine the original NRFPTP allowing Lorne to do it?

In four years, the country will have even fewer white men and more black and Latino voters. Plus, the country will have likely improved in the next four years under progressive policies set in place by Obama and continued/advanced by Clinton. She won't have much trouble winning re-election.

Somebody — Brit Hume, maybe? — complained that Clinton seemed "over-prepared." Which is just a terrible trait for the leader of the free world.

Don't fret. We all knew you couldn't name 50.

You're right — he wouldn't be interviewing lightweights like Ariana Grande. He could bring in authors, inventors, scientists, independent filmmakers, newsmakers, in addition to the Clooneys of the world. I saw an old Carson where he brought on two opposing experts to debate overpopulation (granted, that was rare for…

What Colbert should do, because he's smart enough and knowledgeable enough to do it, is to stop copying what every other talk show does and reinvent himself as Tom Snyder. Keep the studio audience, but do longer, more in-depth, and occasionally more serious interviews, something like TOMORROW or Snyder's LATE LATE…

Did you go at night? It gets creepy there at night, once you forget the busy intersection and gas station right behind you.

And movies starring John Saxon as a womanizing race car driver.