"Ya probably think this song is aboutcha."

"Make it permanent."

Unfortunately, television has no use for actors who specialize in impressions or sketch comedy, and definitely not if they're above a certain age.

I prefer the episode where Quincy fought a ninja on his houseboat. Or the one where he forced a murder confession by waving a rattlesnake in the suspect's face. I'd like to see that confession stand up in court.

Well, you are a sore loser, aren't you?

You find women shitting to be unpleasant?

Well, let's go back over the last 100 years of show business. Thousands of celebrities being asked for tens of thousands of autographs. Mathematically, there must be hundreds of examples of frightened children victimized by tourists asking for an autograph. Why don't you share some with us? Fess Parker's kids…

You really believe a fan asking for an autograph at Dairy Queen is going to traumatize the children?

Like who?

I'd be more inclined to think I was wrong if anyone presented a rational, intelligent argument that wasn't "you rape women" or "I should be able to ask construction workers for their autograph."

Your arguments are growing more ridiculous. So now anyone who believes a celebrity should sign an autograph for a fan is also a rapist??

I don't think the responsibility for the happiness of celebrities' kids falls on the fans.

Well, now you're stacking the deck. First, they're going to run into "millions of people" who are going to ask them for autographs? No, they aren't. And *obviously* if they're on their way to the doctor's office with a compound fracture, then it's perfectly reasonable for them to say, "Hey, I kinda got something here,…

Ten seconds of their time — a photo, an autograph — is "pretty disgusting." You don't think you're overreacting?

Come on. Not the same thing, and you know it.

Yes, I think they do. It's the trade-off for wealth, power, and fame, and I don't think it's a big sacrifice for a millionaire to give ten seconds of his time to a fan. Stars don't get to have their cake and eat it too. Sure, they get a gold record or 22 episodes of a hit sitcom or a $3 million movie deal, but they…

I agree there's a bullying aspect to it that is unfair. If the guy was indeed being rude or unreasonable, she has every right to get angry with him or deny him a photo. But going beyond that to publicly shame the guy is unfair and conceivably dangerous.

I'm not sure I agree. Celebrities wouldn't have *anything* if not for the fans who see their movies or buy their albums. They aren't anything like teachers, who go to work day after day. Celebrities only work when *we* allow them to. They do owe us. I think they have some responsibility, just in terms of human…

Well, he's certainly there for awhile, because who else is going to jump in and take the job?

The mistake was doing a show exactly like every other network talk show in late night. He should have done something more like Letterman's NBC show (spontaneous, unscripted, satirical) or the shows that Bob Costas and Tom Snyder used to host (intelligent, quiet straight talk shows with guests who are not second…