Wait until Trump climbs behind the wheel of my '93 Sentra!

Ahh, college. When buying bongs specifically because they were tall enough to get to the party house's third floor window was a "research project".

I went through lots of $ bongs, settled on a $30 job that is clearly Taiwan's finest and has etched glass pictures of Bob Marley. Things a tank.

Wanna get wrecked stoned?

That's not that expensive for a bong.

Thank you for consistently keeping breadsticks on the table.

Yeah, the in and out part is one of the highlights.

Candy is dessert, after they eat the meal/give me enough performative chewing to show "yes, I've experienced this food, and it's not for me". I can't accept a "bite and spit" scenario. I'd imagine I'd change my tack if I were feeding 10% of the time and giving out candy constantly.

I think if he has a note from Obama, they might let him do it.

Sometimes my kids can be food bastards, but I've never been unable to get them to TRY anything. I'm giving it to you because it's good; if your actual experience trying it shows otherwise, here's a candy. But not if you don't try.

As a nine year old who went to the grocery store several times a week with a blank check I filled out at the register, this checks out.

I'm always appreciative when the wait staff can bring the food out in "shifts"; it's nice to have ten minutes to point the kids at their food without mine being lukewarm once I get a fork to it. I've noticed it more in the last year or so, good practice.

Cheap fortified wine, usually Night Train adjacent.

Just tell the clerk you're buying lighters to play with fire, not smoke.

I could cross out kids and put in literally any object that consumes food, sentence is still accurate.

I think we're supposed to insist the restaurant take our personal financial situation into account for the transaction I've willfully entered, rather than trying to operate a business.

And get up to grab my own Sprite?

Bro, do you even kids?

Makes 'em swarthy.

Can't speak to it, above my pay grade.