I always tell people, no matter how smart, handsome, and benevolent I am, I'm always most proud of being so humble.

Ira Lowenstein, D.D.S.

You've been to Eastern Washington, I see.

Harmful was the wrong word.

"Don't be like Marty, kids. Don't live your life chasin' big food- you'll only find heartache."

And they already have that, it's called the Senior menu, and old people HATE being called troglodytes, in my experience.

I had a small piece of green pepper on a hot Italian I got at a local deli last weekend, because I forgot to request it taken off. It was the ideal complement to the very rich meats. And the sandwich still tasted very much like salami and pastrami.

Nah, you seem pretty cool to me.

While we were dating, my wife ran off a list of foods she didn't like. Like hamburgers. And pork.

Hell with that, I've been 29 for 8 years now. Next year I'll slide it to 32.

No, you're right. You have a responsibility to ensure your child doesn't dramatically impede someone's social experience in shared spaces, within reason.

20 year old scotch.

Yes, I'm in Seattle, so I'd be happy to come out for dinner the night he insists on asking the waitstaff if the cooks give a shit about the kids menu.

There is some crazy good mac and cheese out there, too.

Involve the cruiserweights in a non CW match or two; part of their appeal is when you see small v. big in an exciting, competitive match, which you don't get much anymore. And don't punk out your good cruisers to big stiffs and assume it won't hurt their program.

Yeah, that was his season of "Gigolos", I leave it on in the background.

Ooh, capers! Those things I scraped away from the actual entree!

That's how you administer it to the kids, too. Only way to keep a step ahead.

That's why I stick to stilts and unusually long pants.

I, for one, am thrilled when my son and I have the chance for our bi-weekly matching lobsters.