Confusing list. I expected him to use bullets.

Jeff Ireland: Dez, are you ashamed of your grammar?

Not Pictured: Dan Snyder, who still can't figure out how his chariot works.

I'm surprised Jones said anything at all, she has built a reputation on being notoriously tight-lipped.

Created an account just to write this.

"Just copulated with the lightly hirsute Edelman. Earlier at the bacchanalia, he displayed his abdominal brawn to the hoi polloi. Quelle horreur! (of course I mean that ironically) "

I bet it could fuck up a rhino.

HENDRIX: Are you experienced? Have you ever been experienced?

When Bill Bellichick heard the news of this report earlier tonight, he promptly fired the team's equipment manager for failing to do his fucking job right by not under-inflating that 12th goddamned football.

Pussy Umenyiora?

Damn, NFLers usually only inflict that much damage on their wives and girlfriends.

Saw your tweet. "Just took a dude out." So gay.

Dear Watt, I wrote you but you still ain't calling

"Forcing little Bobby to turn to desperate play calling for the win, Scandrick made the terminally ill child use a second kind of Three Hail Marys that day"

I'd definitely fuck at least one of them.

"SWERVE ON THESE .....well you know .."

Floppy McFlopperson

In their defense, the Redskins don't understand how most things work.

Well, this is awkward