I've always liked 'Two cabs crash in Edinburgh city centre. Nineteen passengers injured.'

'This January, a driver down in Brazoria, Texas, somehow managed to spill an unknown quantity of chicken steroids on Farm To Market Road 2917.' What a fabulously vague sentence. Could have been a cupful, could have been 40,000 gallons….

'A jellyfish in every pot and a Penny Farthing in every garage'.

Perhaps not everybody goes down the same internet avenues you do.

Fortuitous dispatches from the Orient. Apparently they're building their own, and paying for it themselves too.

I was once in Amsterdam a few days before Christmas, and one of the sex shops had a really colourful display in their window, with tinsel, baubels and lights draped around what seemed to be a Christmas tree. When I looked closer the 'tree' was the biggest damn dildo I've ever seen, about three feet tall and the…

Ether, probably.

I love the jellyfish one, remarkable.

It was dried, ground tobacco, some times mixed with herbs, spices or menthol, and responsible for thousands and thousands of cases of cancer of the nasal passages, which is now much, much rarer since the habit has now largely died out.

'Central African Republic, Xander?'

A stoopid one.

I've already seen this listed as Rouge One in a few places. Copy editing, indeed spelling, is becoming a lost art.

That thing's now 250 clams! And people who looked at it were also interested in terrible visors with what seems to be toupees attached, and an entire wheel of Provolone cheese for $1,078. They should be culled.

Rouge 1 is a different film, set behind the scenes at a turn-of-the-century beauty parlour.

Okay, you're chewy. Happy now?

Maybe, but the introduction of a new character called Darth Donald is a bit provocative.

I read this as 'Can The AV Club eat out competitive eater Patrick 'Deep Dish' Bertoletti?', and was almost relieved at what I saw.

'…but I do find myself frequently squeezing the avocado.' That's going into the euphemism bank.

The unicorn on the Love Witch label looks like it's gonna barf….

Xmas isn't Xmas until Teti has been forced to wear a horrible, scratchy jumper with some sort of crappy reindeer motif,