I'm confused. A story involving a child that did something he wasn't supposed to and the anti-breeding baby haters haven't started their parenting clinics yet? Probably still too exhausted from hurling accolades at that pie guy.

"Pies At Dawn: An Epic Thrown Down Between a Grown Ass Man & The Child That Wasn't His". Jesus, this "story." Can't open a page or refresh my news feed without it popping up in some form or another - the likes and comments always coming from those in my world who have chosen not to have children (because children…

Typical me, I'm always late and wondering where everyone has gone... But THIS!! I'm glad for every day that I'm alone in the office, but today, in particular, I am most especially thankful. That way I do not have to explain to anyone why I am pounding on my desk and pointing at my computer screen and shouting "YES!!…

Yes. Yes. A thousand times, yes.

What? No chronic flatulence that began the exact second Sperm and Egg decided they wanted to take their relationship to the next level? Just me, huh?

Color coordinated shoe displays. One handbag (or two) per shelf. A champagne bar.

I don't know what's worse - that I run that unlimited coin/lives/booster script or that I'm on level 610. I'll show myself out.

Ah, knotting and One Direction...of course. I have offspring in the "fandom" so this little gem is going to make for a very interesting conversation later. If I bring my A game, I'll have her in hysterics in about 5.7 seconds. That's right, I said it: Larry. Stylinson.

Goddamnit! Where were you 5 years ago?

True story: These poorly articulated attempts at seduction are not just the purview of the relatively young...sadly there are also some zero-game, AARP card carrying motherfuckers out there who should know better, but still cling to the hope that there might a woman waiting by her phone for him that will be as…

A movement I can get behind. No prunes necessary. Sweet.

Seeing/reading/hearing shit like that makes my fucking head hurt. The soul sucking ignorance of it all is stupefying. Glandular disorder. I need a GD nap. Veering completely off topic....On a recent drive through a mid-sized city, in a southwestern-ish state, I drove by a billboard that proclaimed homosexuality was a…

"vaginal exsanguination"

"I can't do it for you!" LOL. A phrase heard around these parts as well, not too long ago. Lots of tears (hers) and frustration (both of us). I bought her a couple of practice boxes and told her to have at it, she get the hang of it eventually. I mean, what can you do? About 20 years or so ago, I worked for this guy…

Making a note of someone's name is not necessarily making fun of it - but I can certainly see where what I wrote would have left someone with that impression. My apologies for any offense.

I'm scrolling through the replies and I'm somewhat heartened to know that it wasn't just my mother that never said a damn thing to me about my period. Fortunately I had a sister that was 7 years older than me and she explained everything to me in graphic detail. When I started at 13, I knew what was happening so I…

When I was a kid, I'd sneak read the tampon instructions in my mother's bathroom. Freaked me out every single time. But still I looked.

You were not alone in your wiping concerns... fret not. Fortunately my girl child is not here to read this so I can tell her story...She raised the very concern you had "but I'm wiping and it WON'T. GO. AWAY!!!" That's when I looked down and said "Dude. It's not going to go away. At least not for a few more days.…

Birchbox. Boo. Boring.

My girl had a classmate in her preschool whose name was Chlamydia. That was my go-to fucked up name story for nearly 10 years. Now it's about the boy she goes to school with whose last name is Dikshit. I'll be dining out on that one for the foreseeable future.