Shut up.

The Dong/Donger thing... You’re gonna do this all year, aren’t you?

Look. I know it’s Bryce Harper and all, but this isn’t news. Everyone knows when you haven’t even had the chance to stroke a dong in a while, when you finally get one it’s gonna shoot the fuck outta there.

Cristiano is just as capable of going out for a pack of smokes as my dad was

The New Jeep Wrangler’s Roof May Do Three Things It’s Never Done:

But then it gets too quiet and you’re like great which wall am I repainting this week.

Three was way worse than 2. They are willfully obtuse, as they know exactly what you’re telling them to do or what you want...but they fucking ignore your ass anyway or play straight up dumb.