I know! I am so lucky!

But it’s still funny when I get a string of messages like this:

Guy I’m seeing and I don’t often actually sext but regularly exchange ridiculous vulgar innuendo for fun. The only one I’ve ever had to totally veto was when he referred to sex as “injection therapy”.

I’m guessing there’s a porno somewhere where Man-pussy is used and it must be popular. Nothing against porn, really, and nothing against vaginas, but I somehow don’t want to have parts o me called Man-pussy lol. Also not a fan of being called a bitch during sex. Or, at all 😂.

It’s like...anybody who sent that needs to start over from day one for SO. MANY. REASONS.

It’s like modern life is a dog show where you’re never told when you’ll be judging the contestants but instead of adorable doggies it’s anuses.

“What are the chances your sister can join us?”

Wow, disgusting, violent, misogynistic and autohomophobic all in one. Can’t understand why you weren’t overcome with desire.

Oh I have no doubt. This friend would be the first to tell us if something were amiss. He once told us, in excruciating (but to me fascinating) detail about a surgical procedure he underwent. He was anesthesthetized for the surgery itself but the recovery was a little messy. He told us this over dinner and I thought…

I am agape, no pun intended. Gosh, life is such a rich tapestry! 🙉

*runs screaming into the night*

Oh oh oh. Also, more than one guy has tried to convince me to have sex with the awesome line of “I’m gonna make you my bitch and destroy your man pussy.”

So, for those always complaining about unsolicited dicpics, in the gay world sometimes we also have unsolicited anus pics. And sometimes I have received them when they have been... Exercising. That as a first message, and sometimes accompanied by their location and then complaining that I do not respond to them, or…

My abusive ex sent me one while I was in college, saying ‘ur a fucking bicht i ws thinkin bout u nakey an my MR RUDEY got hard. i had to fink bout my GRANDAD dying to get him to go down >:( .’ My teacher was sat by me helping me with some worksheets I didn’t understand, saw the text and sent him back one saying…

I didn’t reply!!!! The kicker was that we saw them across the restaurant at breakfast and they couldn’t make eye contact.....

I went on Tinder for the first time just over a year ago. Hit it off almost immediately with my current gf, whom I’ve been with for a year now. While we were still just going on the odd date and texting, she asked me about sending sexts. I immediately asked if she wanted me to send her a dick pic, and she said sure.…

:-0

I already mentioned this in the Jeff Bezos dick pic comment thread.

Worst one I got was a birthday text, followed by a text about how I look in my birthday suit and what they wanted to do to me, which was then followed by a rather desperate text asking for the second message to be deleted.

Highlight of married life:

“Already fucked once, might as well keep doing it lol."