It’s time to try...

“Elphabalowjob”

How to start your day like Mocena:

Sports News Website Reports Sports News; Readers Outraged

Burritos are not wraps. I consulted an expert. (That expert is me.)

Mark, you’re on a roll.

A burrito does not count as a wrap and is excluded.

You’re being conservative. ‘84 here, and my mom would have gotten the needle.

I have no idea how my son has made it to the ripe old age of 16 since there were times in his life when he wasn’t physically touching me or tethered to me with a leash. OMG I’m such a terrible mother.

Hangouts is the worst thing that ever happened to gchat.

Gchat is dead to me after changing the format and creating “hangouts.” I'm old, I don't like change. Furthermore, stay off my lawn.

And FFS STOP SAYING SHE’S THE SAME AS CAITLYN JENNER.

Just wanted to chime in to say fuck you to everyone getting laid regularly. Yes, I am just jealous, and would almost literally kill to get fingered tonight.

I can tottally understand the whole “i was weak once but never again” reasoning of your choices but if you say that you will enact justice in any way you see fit despite whatever wishes your daughters’ (or any rape victim) may have then this no longer becomes about protecting them it becomes about proving a point to…

No. Do not do that. Do not ever threaten to do that. I was raped when I was younger, and I was afraid to tell my father because I knew he would want to do something like that. I was so afraid of what would happen, so I never told him. So, please, if something should ever happen to one of your daughters, make sure you…

"She opened her top and showed them her boobs, which Jennifer says were completely covered in 'the most beautiful angels and beautiful butterflies and baskets of flowers in pastel-colored tattoos.'"

I wish I could ban you again

Pixlmonkey is an asshole and I banned him. Hi everybody!

The internet desperately needs a "Boot to the crotch button". It would make the world a better place.

You'd be a great fit at Ocean Marketing.