My wife and I agreed to pick up some friends at the old Raleigh train station after their trip to Charlotte. The train was five hours late - an hour longer than it would take to drive. It seems the best way to cure yourself of wanting to take a train trip...is to take a train trip. Or have friends who did. 

I admit I went easy on Bob Dole once. But the story was about ED, so I’m OK with it. 

My late, lamented ‘06 Civic coupe was small, fun and zippy, but got t-boned at an intersection a couple of years ago and wasn’t repairable. I test-drove a whole bunch of cars, and none of them seemed quite right - until I got into a Mazda3. The driving position felt almost exactly the same as my Civic - it just felt…

My solution is to insist they write down what I tell them if they want their PC fixed. Then I have them post the note on the side of their monitor. When you’re in control, you can dictate terms.

I did it to my wife once. Once.

Mine are. And they’re spectacular.

As far as I can recollect, the Founders didn’t commit treason against the United States. So there’s that.

Just walking in nature is enough to keep me interested. I’ve made a walking path around our 1 1/2 acre wooded property, and love to see how things are growing and what new animals are showing up. But a local park is even better, with miles of walking trails in both sun and shade.

“OMG I had to schedule sex with my partner so there’s no way I’m gonna enjoy it.” Said nobody ever.

How does this thing know me so well?

I think they need to retitle this “Bad things you’re pretty much guaranteed to deal with at least once.”

If it’s going to be a drawn-out affair, order a rubber stamp with the person’s name on it. When it comes in, stamp it on their forehead. Do this enough and you’ll pretty much have everyone’s names.

Selfies have always been possible, even with the earliest cameras. The fact that we’re just seeing them emerge in the past few years says a lot about our collective narcissism.

It’s too hot.

“Gas grills are super easy to use and cook with, but you don’t get that great, smoky flavor you get with charcoal or wood.”

Nonsense. Get yourself a smoker box, fill it with moistened chips (I use apple) and put it on the grill while it’s heating up. By the time you’re ready to put the meat on, it’ll be smoking like…

I’d always heard that ‘shrooms make you vomit uncontrollably, which is one of my least favorite things, right up there with root canals and getting my balls caught in my zipper. You’re saying that’s not the case?

I have to go with the butt-in-seat defense. If you’re already seated, and the airline has overbooked, that’s their problem. They need to deny entry to the late people. Period.

When I was researching my first trip to Europe (last year), I was a little surprised to find that hotels there generally don’t offer bar soap; you get a wall-mounted container of gel that’s supposed to stand in for bath soap, facial soap, shampoo and probably sex lubricant. Kidding. Forewarned, I brought a bar of my…

Maybe I’m a little naive, but I can’t quite understand why a company would charge for something that makes it easier to buy things from them, virtually ensuring a boost in their revenue. Wouldn’t the button kind of pay for itself?

Maybe I’m a little naive, but I can’t quite understand why a company would charge for something that makes it easier…

Please don’t validate the Weather Channel’s presumptuous, imbecilic fixation on naming winter storms. Only the National Weather Service can issue legitimate names for weather systems. TWC is simply trying to make a name for itself.