You magnificent bastard

This is how I’ve been closing every conversation.

Ransom demands included a new coffee maker and access to the Stargate.

Nothing in that box, or even the box, is free. It’s all built into the price. That being said, it was wise to include it “in the box for free.” That move alone is going to make them Scrooge McDuck levels of gold doubloons...

You probably know this by now, but they’re also bundling one with the phone

They are

Not to mention that you probably won’t be getting headphones with your $800 phone purchase now.

Only apple can pull off removing something that was FREE, charge you for it, then have people thank you for it.

Compared to the $0 you would otherwise have to spend...

11.4% of people are fucking retarded.

Charmin Ultra Strong. It holds up really well, doesn’t pill, and the roll lasts a long time since you don’t use as much.

Charmin Ultra Strong. It holds up really well, doesn’t pill, and the roll lasts a long time since you don’t use as…

Splendid! I actually just realized yesterday that the disposal in my house is on its way out.

Splendid! I actually just realized yesterday that the disposal in my house is on its way out.

I still wish Edgar Wright had been tapped to direct this, but oh well, maybe it’ll get a proper budget with Spielberg.

how does your internet machine work?

Dominar Rygel the XVI approves:

Yeah, terrible that someone enjoys something you don’t and a subset of them overpay for it. Damn, how fucked is the world that not everyone conforms to your preferences?

Those look nothing like Wonder Woman.

Come talk to me when you’re dealing with 26mm. I can’t stand it when 28mm people think they’re hot shit.

I used to think that was a joke. 6 years in to the marriage, and I realize it’s a fact of life now...

Aw fuck, and here I thought the worst thing about family Thanksgiving was Racist Uncle.