That man is so.. crinkly.

did you miss the part that said they've been broken up since march? she wasn't with him anymore. also, fuck off with your victim blaming bullshit.

I think Birks need to come off this list. You can't knock the fugly shoes and state we should just wear comfortable shoes then then 4 items later, tell us we shouldn't wear comfortable shoes that are 'trendy'. (A word I NEVER thought I'd see used in the same sentence as Birks....ever)

HOLD UP. Birkenstocks becoming trendy is the best thing that ever happened to me and my bunion.

People should be able to wear what they want to wear. What is wrong with someone wearing a big fancy dress if that's what makes them happy? Who are you to tell them that they should be replacing it with a long skirt and button down?

Just to clear this up, here's my disclaimer: "I in no way condone: drinking while driving, handling guns while drinking, handling babies while drinking, handling babies while handling guns, handling babies and guns while drinking, keeping babies in shitty diapers, waiting for Mom to change shitty diapers, sharing…

Ok. I have been drunk, but I have never been "Grab the baby and the guns, let's hit Jack in the Box" drunk.

Has a dick pic ever worked for anyone ever? "You have deplorable table manners, your stance on same sex marriage is alarming, and your relationship with your mother has a distinct Psycho vibe. However, your penis is pleasingly shaped and the crown has a certain joie de vivre. How soon can we marry?"

You should have gone to the bathroom and said "I'll send you something too", then sent him a picture of a bigger dick.

"1-800-Flowers? I'd like the Domesticate Ya bouquet"

And when they get delivered, they have the wrong girl's name written on the card.

YOU MISSED THE ENTIRE POINT. That is why I told you to fuck off! What you described in your "what is normal and what I think other people should look like" response is EXACTLY what you were criticizing them for in the first place! Their clothes were too nice. Their cars too nice. The purses, jewelery, and makeup all…

yo she went to duke. she's not an idiot.

No shit. "I'm really upset that there weren't Vietnamese people to stand in for the Japanese to at least keep the theme going."

I'M UPSET THAT THEY AREN'T ASIAN BUT NOT SMART ENOUGH TO KNOW WHICH OF THE MANY COUNTRIES LABELED "ASIAN" SHOULD BE THE ONES MAKING IT.

It was bad enough when it seemed like she thought that non-specific "Asian" chefs just make better sushi, but then it becomes clear that she really just thought they were of them as part of the decor, and it really just takes the whole thing to new levels of racial assholery.

ASIANS ARE THERE TO APPEASE MY SIGHT HOLES, PLEBS. THIS MUSIC IS NOT ORIENTAL ENOUGH! WHERE ARE MY GEISHAS?! WHY AREN'T YOU ALL WEARING KIMONOS?

"The wife won't let me, so you can't either."

Quick, someone get Olivia Pope! Just think, we can get America's Baby out of the deal.

Ugh... I had 3 weeks of concerts to give on a cruise ship about two years ago and ended up catching noro (which yeah, this totally sounds like). I have never been so sick in all my life!!